The Not-To-Do List: Own Your Life and Practice Self-Care

This not-to-do list could be controversial. Please note this is not to be consumed as an absolute. This was a therapeutic endeavor--my random thoughts when I felt overwhelmed with all I had to complete. A not-to-do list empowered me in the moment to breathe. I hope it will inspire you to catch your breath and create your own not-to-do list.

My Not-To-Do List:

Do not borrow or carry worry. Worry is not a solution.

Do not buy things you don’t need, love, or that will take away from–instead of adding to your life.

Do not clean just for cleaning's sake. (Clean what is truly dirty. Bodies. Clothes. Spaces.) 

Do not concern yourself with other people’s opinions of you. Their opinions of you are none of your business.

Do not carry the full weight of other people’s burdens. You can sit with them and support them. However, removing burdens and placing them onto your shoulders does not diminish or alleviate the burden; it amplifies the situation and creates a new dynamic of stress.   

Do not feel guilty when you remove something that does not suit your life. The time or money WAS spent. Keeping an item does not give you more time in your life or money in your pocket. Keeping it creates a burden in your life and continues to strain your time. 

Do not feel guilty about the past; this is a waste of time and energy. 

Do not borrow money. 

Do not overextend your time or your money. 

Do not punish yourself for past mistakes. (You can’t change it. Make amends, ask for forgiveness if needed, but then move on.) 

Do not ruminate on the past too much. (Today is the present and a present.)

Do not spend too much time basking in the future. (Be here. Now.)

Do not eat or drink things that upset your stomach. 

Do not hold grudges. That can upset your stomach, too. Let it go. 

Do not go down social media rabbit holes. (Is anybody truly finding a satisfying life glued to a screen?)

Do not live by “you do you” and "I do me." We all are connected. While we can’t control others' words, actions, or emotions--what we say and do DOES affect others. (No person is an island.)

Do not envy. Pointless.

Do not follow influencers if they influence you to feel less than or envious. (Unfollow “friends” as well if you feel this way.)

Do not watch the news if it is too much. Shut it off. (Your body and mind were not created to solve ALL the world’s problems. The psychosomatic relationship between news watching and physical stress is real. Big and important news will reach you.)

Do not eat cheap junk foods or eat junk food regularly. But do not consider it cheating when you indulge. (A fine piece of chocolate or a beautifully made dessert should be a gratifying treat on a special occasion. However, eating a “treat” daily makes it neither gratifying nor special–it makes it a habit.)

Do not beat yourself up for making mistakes--you’re human, and it's allowed. 

On that same note…

Do not flog yourself for what you see as personal imperfections. You have limitations. We all do, and that is okay.

Do not compare your life to others. Your story is yours alone. Unique. 

Do not belittle others (There could be something inside of you that is missing, fearful, or overwhelmed–this lashing out could indicate that you are in pain–where is the pain? Find it. Nurture yourself. Heal.) 

Do not try to control others or events. (You only have control of your actions, words, and thoughts. Control those, and that will be plenty.) 

Do not hate. No matter what was done to you. Forgiveness is the only way for you to become whole again.

Do not rush. Nothing good comes from rushing. Spilled coffee and spilled words come in a rush. Never good. 

Do not spend your free time with people or in activities you do not love. Life is so short. 

Do not be so tied to a dollar that you cannot say no to things that are bad for you or other people. 

Do not wear clothes that make you feel uncomfortable, unattractive, or do not suit you. Life is too short for that. (But do wear the stilettos at least once!) 

Do not buy clothes that do not fit in hopes that they will fit in the future. Your wallet, body, and self-esteem will thank you. 

Do not buy the cheapest version of the thing. If it is something that will be used daily, invest in quality. If it is something you will own and enjoy for the next 20 years, invest in quality.

Do not believe everything you hear, read, or see. Do not easily dismiss it either. 

Do not talk too much. At some point, no one is listening but you. (True story.)

Do not wait too long. The fear. The money. The opinions. Those things shouldn’t be the barrier between you and the goal or the dream. 

Do not give up on dreams. Dreams propel life forward until your last breath and can become a catalyst of hope for others who will be here when you continue the next great journey.

Do not skimp on the leafy greens. But in turn, do not skimp on the frosting. Amen.